laughs. worries. and here's to looking forward.

Laughs.
the weather was great yesterday! yesterday was AMAZING!
mom and i drove down to SD and the weather was just gorgeous.. you could see as far as Catalina and it was SOO clear! except for that ugly line of haze/smog on the horizon. oh and man the sunset! boy was that wonderful =] ... my favorite scene to look at here.. the sunsets =].
anyways... dropped mom off at the baby shower in SD.. i went and visited a couple friends at UCSD and i got a private tour of the huge campus. got to catch up w/ jess and see what UCSD life was like. maan is that place niice. funny thing... they have a singing tree and a talking tree. so weird. what's the point?!
then around 5 i met up w/ mom and shannon at a coffee bean near shannon's house. we sat and talked for an hour or so and then went to dinner off of university drive at parkhouse ..something.. iono if it was cafe, bar, grill.. well w/e it was.. it was yummmy! =] more expensive than i imagined though!
after a great dinner we walked a couple buildings over to Twiggs andd waited there for a half hour b4 the show and got our tix. then went to the bushwalla show w/ guest kenny eng. kenny was so so.. but bushwalla was amazing as always! so funny... at the beginning of my show he sat on my lap and talked to me some.. that was like the highlight of my week!! maan i love that guy he's soo funny! i have some videos i might post later .. if figure out how to post videos hahaha. OH!! and Dawn Mitschele was there!! i was so excited when i saw her and just as i assumed.. she sang w/ billy! they were great! =] what a nice surprise.
after the concert.. mom and i went back to del mar and stayed at chelcie's place for the night.. funny how i didnt even get to say hi or bye to her.. oh well.. maan i couldnt sleep last night! i was so uncomfortable and my back kept hurt ting =[ so with little sleep and a tired body.. i had to wake up at 7 this morning! -.-but once i was up i was ok.. i like BEING awake early in the morning.. but maan do i hate the waking up part. lol
so mom and i got some jamba juice!! YAY!! FINALLY! i got more free jamba juice cards -.- great cuz i can't use them in Amherst! so i have like 10 free jamba juices that expire by the end of this month. what am i gonna do? eat jamba for the rest of my meals?! haha but it was nice of the manager =] him and my mom are real tight now cuz she goes there ALL the time for lunch.. he's soo kool i wish he was my uncle! lol oh and he's one more person from OHIO. lol
then mom took me to work and i visited w/ some ppl and helped her out a lil. talked w/ shannon and saw some more jason mraz pix she took =] hehe. left SD around 10 and drove home.. crazy drivers!! sheesh.. and 2 hrs later i arrived home.. but the tree trimmers were taking up the fucknn driveway!! so i stayed at lizzy's for a bit till she ditched me w/ daniel .. i swear he's stealing liz away from me! lol but i love him he's great for her =] she finally found someone who's perfect for her. so happy for them =] so i cant hatee him or dislike him a bit cuz i have no reason to. if he's making my bff happy then i cant help but like him =] so proud of her too.. she didnt pick a really cuute /hott looking guy!! cuz in the past she was very shallow in picking her guys. they were jerks and assholes and stupid lol. anyways.. finally got into the house.. and i'm finally able to relax and rest.
i cant believe i'm leaving already! tomorrow! =[ sad to leave the gorgeous weather and my parents.. and my PUPPY! (who is not a puppy anymore =D)
tmrrw is gonna b an interesting day.. the inauguration! i cant wait to watch it all! so excited to watch this huge part of american history.
then gonna be in vermont for the rest of the week. wonder what i'm gonna do. lol visit my cousin in college for a bit and enjoy the freezing weather lol.. total opposite of the weather here. i'm sure gonna miss it. wearing shorts and a tshirt every day and flip flops haha. hopefully i'll be prepared for the weather.. i got a lot of new clothes for the cold so we'll see.
Worries.
i hoped to have a carefree winter break and leave with no worries except for the fact that i'm going back to "school" and i have to start classes again. but that didnt happen. instead i leave with more worries on my mind and more disappointment on my heart.... i dont think my parents are much better than before i left...or more like my mom. i love her to death and she's like my best friend but i cant help but feel she has a whole other life that me and dad dont know about. there's all these hints that she's with someone else when she stays in SD sometimes. i know she had an affair a few years ago, but i have no idea if it ended or not. i hope so. i gave her hints that i knew and she should make a choice. my heart broke when i found out and a part of me can never forgive her for loving someone else. but at the same time i can understand. i mean being in a marriage for almost 30 years with the same person... if one still has the beauty and lust like my mom.. one can't help but want something a lil more.. a lil different.. but still i thought my parents' love was endless and so strong that they wouldnt falter. w/e maybe i'm thinking too much into it. .... another problem is that all four of my grandparents finally reached that stage in their life where the end of their legacy could be any moment. i can't bare to see them go! they've been so healthy and active their whole lives and now i see them fade. my grandpa's deteriorating mind and mobility makes it hard for me to see "him" sometimes. when i can make him laugh and smile it gives me hope. but i feel so bad for him because he's such a kind, gentle, humble, pure-hearted guy and i see him suffer so much. and my grandma takes care of him so well, but she's so intollerant, impatient, and stubborn to admit she needs help taking care of him and herself! it doesnt help that she's losing her hearing too. as for grandpapa, he's as sharp as ever and as happy as ever.. but he always hides the pain his joints give him and every time i see him he's walking a little more slow. i like seeing him in the garden where he's most happy tending to his bushes and trees. but when he's inside, i see the growing fustration and sadness in his eyes and his voice when my grandmama asks him if she did one thing or another. with my grandmama's deteriorating short-term memory, she always needs someone to be there to remind her of appointments, taking her pills, where her coffee is, or what happend the day before. but i cant help love her even more when she admits she needs help remembering or needs help period. she always makes light of the state she's in and says "i cant remember anything but i sure am happy" =] i love her for her optimism and high spirits that hide her confusion. i love how my grandpapa and grandmama love each other so much that they put up with each other in all ways and they still tickle each other and kid around like kids. it's so cute to see them still so in love after over 50 years of marriage.
so on top of my mom's other life and my grandparents' health, i might have to go to court for a ticket i got. fuck! -.- but i dont know how that's possible when i'm gonna be in Mass. till may! FUCK! iono how i'm gonna be able to take care of my ticket =.= i dont even get my statement in the mail till 2 weeks from now! FUCK FUCK FUCK! iono what to do!! so i told my mom about this... she got mad at me of course but i'm so glad i finally told her ><
Looking forward.
so YAY! i get to start a new semester with worries from home! -.- and i need to find a job this semester and keep up good grades.
boy.. i can't wait to see my friends! i cant wait to laugh with them, talk with them, play in the snow with them and watch movies with them!

~*live.laugh.love.*~

The remedy is the experience.
This is a dangerous liaison
I say the comedy is that it's serious.
This is a strange enough new play on words
I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
When it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I won't worry my life away.


is it possible to know exactly what you want/need but something inside of you doesnt allow you to want what you want/need?