I'm soo glad to be back w/ my new family! ^^
i missed everyone soo much! and now it's the 3rd day of spring semester =]. i like almost all my classes now! finally got into a japanese class i wanted ^^. i'm gonna see if i can get into a japanese language class tmrrw ::crossing my fingers:: =] anyways... i have to do homework so i'm not gonna blog on anything tonite. just wanted to record that i'm really happy right now =]. cuz of friends. personal situations. maybe not finances.. but that's an obstical we all have to suffer... and "i love school!" (never said that before college!) dinner was GREAT today =]
Happy Chinese New Year... year of the ox?
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Where is Mraz?!
how come he isn't blogging?! =[ and he was in hawaii for the beginning of break.. now he's back.. so where is he?! lol wish i could have seen him perform the day i arrived home in CA.. cuz there was a concert that night w/ bushwalla =[ oh well.. BUT! JANUARY 31st MRAZ IS ON SNL!!!!!! SO excited! he's gonna play I'm Yours (duh) and Lucky with guest Colbie Caillat! yay! so excited and host Steve Martin! OMG i cant wait! i love steve martin on snl! haha if i could go to any SNL show.. i would want to go on January 31st!!!
haha ok now that's done w/...
lets see.. spent time at St. Lawrence.. that was fun =] Emi was great and her friends were great too! so nice and fun/funny!! they're like a family just like me and my floormates! i love it! so we went partying at the tic tock that night.. it was fun. i wasn't drunk enough (apparently). wish we could have danced more though! emi knew so many ppl and had to talk to all of them so we didnt get to dance too much =[ . so weird seeing one of my cousins (not to mention a cousin i NEVER see) get drunk and making out w/ guys. eh. weird. lol but we all had a great time ^^
then tonite when we came back to burlington, we went to a UVM hockey game.. and guess who they were playing against?... UMASS! so ironic! left early though cuz we weren't very good tonite. ><
i'm tired and tired of waiting for my friends to come back online so they can talk to me so i'm just gonna go to bed now XD got to get up early tmrrw (9) haha. hey, maybe if i can, i can get up at 8! woot woot! lol going to boston tmrrw! sweet! hope i get to see some of the city! dono wat's goin on tmrrw ::shrug:: oh well. we'll see. it'll b sad to leave aunt pati though =[ i like it here in vermont. i should visit more often =] and maybe go skiing/snowboarding! hehe ... oh but that takes money >< lots of money fooey =[
~*live. laugh. love.*~
haha ok now that's done w/...
lets see.. spent time at St. Lawrence.. that was fun =] Emi was great and her friends were great too! so nice and fun/funny!! they're like a family just like me and my floormates! i love it! so we went partying at the tic tock that night.. it was fun. i wasn't drunk enough (apparently). wish we could have danced more though! emi knew so many ppl and had to talk to all of them so we didnt get to dance too much =[ . so weird seeing one of my cousins (not to mention a cousin i NEVER see) get drunk and making out w/ guys. eh. weird. lol but we all had a great time ^^
then tonite when we came back to burlington, we went to a UVM hockey game.. and guess who they were playing against?... UMASS! so ironic! left early though cuz we weren't very good tonite. ><
i'm tired and tired of waiting for my friends to come back online so they can talk to me so i'm just gonna go to bed now XD got to get up early tmrrw (9) haha. hey, maybe if i can, i can get up at 8! woot woot! lol going to boston tmrrw! sweet! hope i get to see some of the city! dono wat's goin on tmrrw ::shrug:: oh well. we'll see. it'll b sad to leave aunt pati though =[ i like it here in vermont. i should visit more often =] and maybe go skiing/snowboarding! hehe ... oh but that takes money >< lots of money fooey =[
~*live. laugh. love.*~
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Back in the Cold
So i arrived to Vermont yesterday and my aunt pati took me to breakfast. SO GOOD! we drove through Burlington and it sure is a great town! it's so cute and quaint. i cant believe how many schools there. then aunt pati took me snowshoeing w/ her friend behind her friend's house. maan what a hike! surprisingly i'm not sore though! =] then when we got home.. i ate a good dinner..leftovers..and went to sleep. man was i tired! i went to sleep at 7 ... woke up at 9 cuz of a call then at 10 cuz of a call... and went back to sleep till 12 30 then got ready for bed and went to sleep till 10 this morning. maan i've never slept this much! but i suure needed it. i slept in Taka's room cuz the cat's hair is ALL over her room. his room is sooo cool! there's ski stuff all over the room like autographed posters of skiers and fun pictures of him and his friends. it was really cold though. lol my aunt set up a sleeping bag and a heater in there for me. man i havent seen him in ages! he's kinda cute and very accomplished. (med school in england) cant wait to see him someday. or more like meet him. i've never talked to him before! >< i cant believe it! ... so i slept all night and almost all morning and went to get ready to go to st. lawrence.. but the cat kept bugging me and finally i let it sit on my lap and cuddle w/ me.... surprisingly i didnt react. cuz i'm VERY allergic to cats. claritin works! so i took a nice hot shower and got ready, packed, and checked e-mails. and after a yummy healthy breakfast we headed out to NY. took the ferry across lake champlain. then took about 3 hours to get to st lawrence.. i think. i fell asleep. haha. so i'm here at my cousin, emi's, dorm. she has 3 roommates and they're all real great. funny and loud and very fun ^^. love it here. we're gonna go to a bar tonite and partying, should b quite fun =]. emi is so sweet and hilarious. =] so lucky to have such a great family!!!
~*live.laugh.love*~
So I'm told
As the story goes
I unfold to a boy who's aware
Of a rocking chair
That put him fast asleep
So he dreams of amazing things
So unseen
Like a boy who's loved
By everyone including me
Watch him dream
Exhaling
Mayhem is beautiful
Birds fly and they die
And I with you wonder why
Wonder where
Truth be told
I don't care mayhem is beautiful
Mayhem is beautiful
City of dreams
And dreamers
How could all this occur?
Whats it for?
Nothing more
Than to up hoard the commands of the gods
Who are not there
But truly scare
The mass that we make of us
Why do I cuss?
Well it's because
I've grown up to speak (.. ?) the man
When you can
Mayhem is beautiful
Mayhem is beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
Mayhem is beautiful
So beautiful
~*live.laugh.love*~
So I'm told
As the story goes
I unfold to a boy who's aware
Of a rocking chair
That put him fast asleep
So he dreams of amazing things
So unseen
Like a boy who's loved
By everyone including me
Watch him dream
Exhaling
Mayhem is beautiful
Birds fly and they die
And I with you wonder why
Wonder where
Truth be told
I don't care mayhem is beautiful
Mayhem is beautiful
City of dreams
And dreamers
How could all this occur?
Whats it for?
Nothing more
Than to up hoard the commands of the gods
Who are not there
But truly scare
The mass that we make of us
Why do I cuss?
Well it's because
I've grown up to speak (.. ?) the man
When you can
Mayhem is beautiful
Mayhem is beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
It's so beautiful
Mayhem is beautiful
So beautiful
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
1/2o/o8
WE HAVE A NEW PRESIDENT!!!
the first inauguration i've ever watched on live tv! =D
so today i was running my errands and getting all these things done before i had to leave tonight, and i turn on my iPod on shuffle in the car and realized how many songs i forgot i had. it's so funny how the most random song comes on at the right moment. So Sick came on, Not Your Enemy by Jesse McCartney, I Will Remember You, The Trouble With Love Is, and 9 In The Afternoon. lots of love songs, although... more than half the songs out there are love songs. isnt there anything else to sing about? oh speaking of which, it was so funny how this one jason mraz song, Little You and I, is about his love for his cat. lol and in the live version i have he says how it'd b funny if it was some couple's song and they're like "our song is about a cat!" lol when i first heard that commentary i cracked up so much. maan i love the commentary on his live songs. that's why i cant wait to see one of his small live shows with bushwalla. that is my number one wish now, to see jason mraz and bushwalla live! above anything else. i mean if bushwalla alone can make my stomach hurt from laughing so hard in one show, imagine what i'd be like if jason was there?! and oh man if jason was the one who went up to me and sat on my lap the other night.. i would have been speechless and bright red! oh man.. ahhhh!!! ::squeals:: hahha
anyways.. i'm so excited to go VT!! my mom's cousin said she can take me snowboarding!!!! fuck yea! =D sha-a-weeet!! oh and my dad is gonna freak when he gets home! i cant wait to see the look on his face when he sees my eyes. hehe... they're blue ^^ hehe i like em. except it's kinda fuzzy on the edges but w/e i'll get use to it..... lol i love how no one reads my blog cuz then no one will know i have blue eyes when i go back =] surprise! .. i guess it's kinda weird then if i'm just talking to myself in the blog. -.^ oh well. this is like my journal. it's for me, myself, and i. all three of us.. haha.
k well gonna go pack now.. lots of shit to take home.. presents for everyone, new clothes, old clothes, shoes.. fuckn shoes -.- takes up too much space. oh and smart thing, while i'm on the topic of shoes... i LEFT my winter shoes (uggs) back at the dorm in Mass.... smart one stef.. smart one -.- fuck.. i dont wanna pack.. i wanna go to the beach!! today is the perfect day to be at the beach!!! it's sunny, clear, breezy, and mid to high 70s !! i LoVE this weather!! and i have to leave tonite -.- right when i start loving the warmth.
~*live.laugh.love*~
the first inauguration i've ever watched on live tv! =D
so today i was running my errands and getting all these things done before i had to leave tonight, and i turn on my iPod on shuffle in the car and realized how many songs i forgot i had. it's so funny how the most random song comes on at the right moment. So Sick came on, Not Your Enemy by Jesse McCartney, I Will Remember You, The Trouble With Love Is, and 9 In The Afternoon. lots of love songs, although... more than half the songs out there are love songs. isnt there anything else to sing about? oh speaking of which, it was so funny how this one jason mraz song, Little You and I, is about his love for his cat. lol and in the live version i have he says how it'd b funny if it was some couple's song and they're like "our song is about a cat!" lol when i first heard that commentary i cracked up so much. maan i love the commentary on his live songs. that's why i cant wait to see one of his small live shows with bushwalla. that is my number one wish now, to see jason mraz and bushwalla live! above anything else. i mean if bushwalla alone can make my stomach hurt from laughing so hard in one show, imagine what i'd be like if jason was there?! and oh man if jason was the one who went up to me and sat on my lap the other night.. i would have been speechless and bright red! oh man.. ahhhh!!! ::squeals:: hahha
anyways.. i'm so excited to go VT!! my mom's cousin said she can take me snowboarding!!!! fuck yea! =D sha-a-weeet!! oh and my dad is gonna freak when he gets home! i cant wait to see the look on his face when he sees my eyes. hehe... they're blue ^^ hehe i like em. except it's kinda fuzzy on the edges but w/e i'll get use to it..... lol i love how no one reads my blog cuz then no one will know i have blue eyes when i go back =] surprise! .. i guess it's kinda weird then if i'm just talking to myself in the blog. -.^ oh well. this is like my journal. it's for me, myself, and i. all three of us.. haha.
k well gonna go pack now.. lots of shit to take home.. presents for everyone, new clothes, old clothes, shoes.. fuckn shoes -.- takes up too much space. oh and smart thing, while i'm on the topic of shoes... i LEFT my winter shoes (uggs) back at the dorm in Mass.... smart one stef.. smart one -.- fuck.. i dont wanna pack.. i wanna go to the beach!! today is the perfect day to be at the beach!!! it's sunny, clear, breezy, and mid to high 70s !! i LoVE this weather!! and i have to leave tonite -.- right when i start loving the warmth.
~*live.laugh.love*~
Monday, January 19, 2009
laughs. worries. and here's to looking forward.
Laughs.
the weather was great yesterday! yesterday was AMAZING!
mom and i drove down to SD and the weather was just gorgeous.. you could see as far as Catalina and it was SOO clear! except for that ugly line of haze/smog on the horizon. oh and man the sunset! boy was that wonderful =] ... my favorite scene to look at here.. the sunsets =].
anyways... dropped mom off at the baby shower in SD.. i went and visited a couple friends at UCSD and i got a private tour of the huge campus. got to catch up w/ jess and see what UCSD life was like. maan is that place niice. funny thing... they have a singing tree and a talking tree. so weird. what's the point?!
then around 5 i met up w/ mom and shannon at a coffee bean near shannon's house. we sat and talked for an hour or so and then went to dinner off of university drive at parkhouse ..something.. iono if it was cafe, bar, grill.. well w/e it was.. it was yummmy! =] more expensive than i imagined though!
after a great dinner we walked a couple buildings over to Twiggs andd waited there for a half hour b4 the show and got our tix. then went to the bushwalla show w/ guest kenny eng. kenny was so so.. but bushwalla was amazing as always! so funny... at the beginning of my show he sat on my lap and talked to me some.. that was like the highlight of my week!! maan i love that guy he's soo funny! i have some videos i might post later .. if figure out how to post videos hahaha. OH!! and Dawn Mitschele was there!! i was so excited when i saw her and just as i assumed.. she sang w/ billy! they were great! =] what a nice surprise.
after the concert.. mom and i went back to del mar and stayed at chelcie's place for the night.. funny how i didnt even get to say hi or bye to her.. oh well.. maan i couldnt sleep last night! i was so uncomfortable and my back kept hurt ting =[ so with little sleep and a tired body.. i had to wake up at 7 this morning! -.-but once i was up i was ok.. i like BEING awake early in the morning.. but maan do i hate the waking up part. lol
so mom and i got some jamba juice!! YAY!! FINALLY! i got more free jamba juice cards -.- great cuz i can't use them in Amherst! so i have like 10 free jamba juices that expire by the end of this month. what am i gonna do? eat jamba for the rest of my meals?! haha but it was nice of the manager =] him and my mom are real tight now cuz she goes there ALL the time for lunch.. he's soo kool i wish he was my uncle! lol oh and he's one more person from OHIO. lol
then mom took me to work and i visited w/ some ppl and helped her out a lil. talked w/ shannon and saw some more jason mraz pix she took =] hehe. left SD around 10 and drove home.. crazy drivers!! sheesh.. and 2 hrs later i arrived home.. but the tree trimmers were taking up the fucknn driveway!! so i stayed at lizzy's for a bit till she ditched me w/ daniel .. i swear he's stealing liz away from me! lol but i love him he's great for her =] she finally found someone who's perfect for her. so happy for them =] so i cant hatee him or dislike him a bit cuz i have no reason to. if he's making my bff happy then i cant help but like him =] so proud of her too.. she didnt pick a really cuute /hott looking guy!! cuz in the past she was very shallow in picking her guys. they were jerks and assholes and stupid lol. anyways.. finally got into the house.. and i'm finally able to relax and rest.
i cant believe i'm leaving already! tomorrow! =[ sad to leave the gorgeous weather and my parents.. and my PUPPY! (who is not a puppy anymore =D)
tmrrw is gonna b an interesting day.. the inauguration! i cant wait to watch it all! so excited to watch this huge part of american history.
then gonna be in vermont for the rest of the week. wonder what i'm gonna do. lol visit my cousin in college for a bit and enjoy the freezing weather lol.. total opposite of the weather here. i'm sure gonna miss it. wearing shorts and a tshirt every day and flip flops haha. hopefully i'll be prepared for the weather.. i got a lot of new clothes for the cold so we'll see.
Worries.
i hoped to have a carefree winter break and leave with no worries except for the fact that i'm going back to "school" and i have to start classes again. but that didnt happen. instead i leave with more worries on my mind and more disappointment on my heart.... i dont think my parents are much better than before i left...or more like my mom. i love her to death and she's like my best friend but i cant help but feel she has a whole other life that me and dad dont know about. there's all these hints that she's with someone else when she stays in SD sometimes. i know she had an affair a few years ago, but i have no idea if it ended or not. i hope so. i gave her hints that i knew and she should make a choice. my heart broke when i found out and a part of me can never forgive her for loving someone else. but at the same time i can understand. i mean being in a marriage for almost 30 years with the same person... if one still has the beauty and lust like my mom.. one can't help but want something a lil more.. a lil different.. but still i thought my parents' love was endless and so strong that they wouldnt falter. w/e maybe i'm thinking too much into it. .... another problem is that all four of my grandparents finally reached that stage in their life where the end of their legacy could be any moment. i can't bare to see them go! they've been so healthy and active their whole lives and now i see them fade. my grandpa's deteriorating mind and mobility makes it hard for me to see "him" sometimes. when i can make him laugh and smile it gives me hope. but i feel so bad for him because he's such a kind, gentle, humble, pure-hearted guy and i see him suffer so much. and my grandma takes care of him so well, but she's so intollerant, impatient, and stubborn to admit she needs help taking care of him and herself! it doesnt help that she's losing her hearing too. as for grandpapa, he's as sharp as ever and as happy as ever.. but he always hides the pain his joints give him and every time i see him he's walking a little more slow. i like seeing him in the garden where he's most happy tending to his bushes and trees. but when he's inside, i see the growing fustration and sadness in his eyes and his voice when my grandmama asks him if she did one thing or another. with my grandmama's deteriorating short-term memory, she always needs someone to be there to remind her of appointments, taking her pills, where her coffee is, or what happend the day before. but i cant help love her even more when she admits she needs help remembering or needs help period. she always makes light of the state she's in and says "i cant remember anything but i sure am happy" =] i love her for her optimism and high spirits that hide her confusion. i love how my grandpapa and grandmama love each other so much that they put up with each other in all ways and they still tickle each other and kid around like kids. it's so cute to see them still so in love after over 50 years of marriage.
so on top of my mom's other life and my grandparents' health, i might have to go to court for a ticket i got. fuck! -.- but i dont know how that's possible when i'm gonna be in Mass. till may! FUCK! iono how i'm gonna be able to take care of my ticket =.= i dont even get my statement in the mail till 2 weeks from now! FUCK FUCK FUCK! iono what to do!! so i told my mom about this... she got mad at me of course but i'm so glad i finally told her ><
Looking forward.
so YAY! i get to start a new semester with worries from home! -.- and i need to find a job this semester and keep up good grades.
boy.. i can't wait to see my friends! i cant wait to laugh with them, talk with them, play in the snow with them and watch movies with them!
~*live.laugh.love.*~
The remedy is the experience.
This is a dangerous liaison
I say the comedy is that it's serious.
This is a strange enough new play on words
I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
When it all amounts to nothing in the end.
I won't worry my life away.
is it possible to know exactly what you want/need but something inside of you doesnt allow you to want what you want/need?
the weather was great yesterday! yesterday was AMAZING!
mom and i drove down to SD and the weather was just gorgeous.. you could see as far as Catalina and it was SOO clear! except for that ugly line of haze/smog on the horizon. oh and man the sunset! boy was that wonderful =] ... my favorite scene to look at here.. the sunsets =].
anyways... dropped mom off at the baby shower in SD.. i went and visited a couple friends at UCSD and i got a private tour of the huge campus. got to catch up w/ jess and see what UCSD life was like. maan is that place niice. funny thing... they have a singing tree and a talking tree. so weird. what's the point?!
then around 5 i met up w/ mom and shannon at a coffee bean near shannon's house. we sat and talked for an hour or so and then went to dinner off of university drive at parkhouse ..something.. iono if it was cafe, bar, grill.. well w/e it was.. it was yummmy! =] more expensive than i imagined though!
after a great dinner we walked a couple buildings over to Twiggs andd waited there for a half hour b4 the show and got our tix. then went to the bushwalla show w/ guest kenny eng. kenny was so so.. but bushwalla was amazing as always! so funny... at the beginning of my show he sat on my lap and talked to me some.. that was like the highlight of my week!! maan i love that guy he's soo funny! i have some videos i might post later .. if figure out how to post videos hahaha. OH!! and Dawn Mitschele was there!! i was so excited when i saw her and just as i assumed.. she sang w/ billy! they were great! =] what a nice surprise.
after the concert.. mom and i went back to del mar and stayed at chelcie's place for the night.. funny how i didnt even get to say hi or bye to her.. oh well.. maan i couldnt sleep last night! i was so uncomfortable and my back kept hurt ting =[ so with little sleep and a tired body.. i had to wake up at 7 this morning! -.-but once i was up i was ok.. i like BEING awake early in the morning.. but maan do i hate the waking up part. lol
so mom and i got some jamba juice!! YAY!! FINALLY! i got more free jamba juice cards -.- great cuz i can't use them in Amherst! so i have like 10 free jamba juices that expire by the end of this month. what am i gonna do? eat jamba for the rest of my meals?! haha but it was nice of the manager =] him and my mom are real tight now cuz she goes there ALL the time for lunch.. he's soo kool i wish he was my uncle! lol oh and he's one more person from OHIO. lol
then mom took me to work and i visited w/ some ppl and helped her out a lil. talked w/ shannon and saw some more jason mraz pix she took =] hehe. left SD around 10 and drove home.. crazy drivers!! sheesh.. and 2 hrs later i arrived home.. but the tree trimmers were taking up the fucknn driveway!! so i stayed at lizzy's for a bit till she ditched me w/ daniel .. i swear he's stealing liz away from me! lol but i love him he's great for her =] she finally found someone who's perfect for her. so happy for them =] so i cant hatee him or dislike him a bit cuz i have no reason to. if he's making my bff happy then i cant help but like him =] so proud of her too.. she didnt pick a really cuute /hott looking guy!! cuz in the past she was very shallow in picking her guys. they were jerks and assholes and stupid lol. anyways.. finally got into the house.. and i'm finally able to relax and rest.
i cant believe i'm leaving already! tomorrow! =[ sad to leave the gorgeous weather and my parents.. and my PUPPY! (who is not a puppy anymore =D)
tmrrw is gonna b an interesting day.. the inauguration! i cant wait to watch it all! so excited to watch this huge part of american history.
then gonna be in vermont for the rest of the week. wonder what i'm gonna do. lol visit my cousin in college for a bit and enjoy the freezing weather lol.. total opposite of the weather here. i'm sure gonna miss it. wearing shorts and a tshirt every day and flip flops haha. hopefully i'll be prepared for the weather.. i got a lot of new clothes for the cold so we'll see.
Worries.
i hoped to have a carefree winter break and leave with no worries except for the fact that i'm going back to "school" and i have to start classes again. but that didnt happen. instead i leave with more worries on my mind and more disappointment on my heart.... i dont think my parents are much better than before i left...or more like my mom. i love her to death and she's like my best friend but i cant help but feel she has a whole other life that me and dad dont know about. there's all these hints that she's with someone else when she stays in SD sometimes. i know she had an affair a few years ago, but i have no idea if it ended or not. i hope so. i gave her hints that i knew and she should make a choice. my heart broke when i found out and a part of me can never forgive her for loving someone else. but at the same time i can understand. i mean being in a marriage for almost 30 years with the same person... if one still has the beauty and lust like my mom.. one can't help but want something a lil more.. a lil different.. but still i thought my parents' love was endless and so strong that they wouldnt falter. w/e maybe i'm thinking too much into it. .... another problem is that all four of my grandparents finally reached that stage in their life where the end of their legacy could be any moment. i can't bare to see them go! they've been so healthy and active their whole lives and now i see them fade. my grandpa's deteriorating mind and mobility makes it hard for me to see "him" sometimes. when i can make him laugh and smile it gives me hope. but i feel so bad for him because he's such a kind, gentle, humble, pure-hearted guy and i see him suffer so much. and my grandma takes care of him so well, but she's so intollerant, impatient, and stubborn to admit she needs help taking care of him and herself! it doesnt help that she's losing her hearing too. as for grandpapa, he's as sharp as ever and as happy as ever.. but he always hides the pain his joints give him and every time i see him he's walking a little more slow. i like seeing him in the garden where he's most happy tending to his bushes and trees. but when he's inside, i see the growing fustration and sadness in his eyes and his voice when my grandmama asks him if she did one thing or another. with my grandmama's deteriorating short-term memory, she always needs someone to be there to remind her of appointments, taking her pills, where her coffee is, or what happend the day before. but i cant help love her even more when she admits she needs help remembering or needs help period. she always makes light of the state she's in and says "i cant remember anything but i sure am happy" =] i love her for her optimism and high spirits that hide her confusion. i love how my grandpapa and grandmama love each other so much that they put up with each other in all ways and they still tickle each other and kid around like kids. it's so cute to see them still so in love after over 50 years of marriage.
so on top of my mom's other life and my grandparents' health, i might have to go to court for a ticket i got. fuck! -.- but i dont know how that's possible when i'm gonna be in Mass. till may! FUCK! iono how i'm gonna be able to take care of my ticket =.= i dont even get my statement in the mail till 2 weeks from now! FUCK FUCK FUCK! iono what to do!! so i told my mom about this... she got mad at me of course but i'm so glad i finally told her ><
Looking forward.
so YAY! i get to start a new semester with worries from home! -.- and i need to find a job this semester and keep up good grades.
boy.. i can't wait to see my friends! i cant wait to laugh with them, talk with them, play in the snow with them and watch movies with them!
~*live.laugh.love.*~
The remedy is the experience.
This is a dangerous liaison
I say the comedy is that it's serious.
This is a strange enough new play on words
I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
When it all amounts to nothing in the end.
I won't worry my life away.
is it possible to know exactly what you want/need but something inside of you doesnt allow you to want what you want/need?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
see the Beauty In Ugly
So here i am. Laying in bed in Santa Monica. Thinking. Thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. Wondering why things are the way they are. Why girls are so complicated and think so much and why guys dont care about more than half the things girls worry and think about. It's funny the differences between male and female. I found it funny that in this one movie i watched.. a guy asks a girl "what do women want?!" and the girls says "do you want to know our secret? we women have no idea." (i dono if that's word for word, but something along those lines) It's so true though... we form mazes in our minds expecting men to reach the end and finally give us what we want. Like that's ever gonna happen. I guess we should just say it right up front ..huh?.. but then the game wouldn't be so interesting. ;D
Man that's torture! for both men and women. Women dont get what they want and men dont understand what women want. So confusing.
OFF TOPIC.
But sometimes i wonder who or what else might be out there in the universe. Whenever i look up to the sky at night, i wonder if there really are other living organisms out there. I try to imagine a world out there like ours and wonder how far along they are. If they're thousands and millions of years ahead of us? or if they're millions of years behind us. Either way, i'm sure that if the same materials to make this earth are out there, there has to be another living planet. And then i wonder about how small we all really are. Such a small planet in such a huge world. and even smaller is our continent, the country, the state, the county, the city, and the ppl. The people and the things we do that are so small compared to the vast universe. Not to mention how small I must be. I'm like the smallest of all the ppl i know! And most of all.. i FEEL small. I'm surrounded by people who have direction or if not, they at least are sure of themselves and know that where ever they end up, they'll be fine. I'm surrounded by people with gifts and talents. They can talk smooth, think quick, dance like a piece of art, paint a million-dollar painting, know how to solve complex equations, sing beautifully, or just above all amazing. Yet i can't do anything exceptionally well. Except to be there for other and listen to them and be a good friend.
By the way, does anyone ever find that they give more than they get? It's funny.. all i think about is giving..i have to force myself to think about what i want. It just doesn't seem to come naturally. When i have money.. especially around holiday season.. all i think about is how much i can get for my friends and family with the money i have. To be honest.. if i can make everyone happy and laugh. That'll be the best present to me. There are things that i have and clothes that i wear that each mean something to me and have a part in my heart, but nothing compares to the love of friends and family.
I wonder if anyone would think of me the same way i think of them. Loving them endlessly.
Sometimes it makes me mad that i'm so submissive sometiems and so weak to trust and believe in people. I've been hurt so many times. I wish i could be as cold as some ppl. I wish i could not care so easily. I wish i didn't always have so much faith in a person and have hopeful feelings, because i always end up getting crushed. Hard.
eh now i'm getting emo again. -.- ... you know how stupid i am? very! cuz i let my feelings take hold of me. stupid me, i fell for the first time in h.s. and was heartbroken for about a year. cried many nights. then i started dating a guy. a very stupid guy. and it ended. much shorter than the first. but he was nothing and it was a stupid relationship. unfortunately he was my firstkiss. ewww. third time.. i started to fall again .. and fast. it was the perfect set up for a bad ending. and it ended. fast. it was fun while it lasted but w/e. during these times.. i went in and out of depression. not necessarily because of them, but because of their affect on me. i would be so mad at myself that i would get upset that i let myself get to who i was. the first and third one really hit hard though because when it ended with them, so did many of my friendships. i dono how it happend, but it did. i gradually lost friends. i mean we would say "hi" but we wouldnt talk or hang out anymore. i gradually lost confidence in myself. i lost hold of many things and began to lie. worst of all i lied to my parents. not big lies, but lie nonetheless. that was the worst. because the only people i could trust were my parents and i loved them so much and they trusted me for so long. though, when i found out about a secret within my family, my heart was torn...no.. ripped to peices. and every once in a while it still hurts when i think about this secret. by the middle of senior year. i was unsure about my future, lost the trust of my parents, i stopped trusting and looking up to my parents so much, and i lost many friends. i lost all that mattered. and so i thought about committing the worst and almost attempted it. i couldnt take it anymore. i had broken down. TO ME, IT WAS THE END. but something inside drew me away from death. there was a small speck of hope. and from that day on, everything has looked up. I have a better outlook on life. I made plans, and i plan to stick to them. I am determined to improve my life and try to leave the past in the past.
I also planned on not falling anytime soon, but that's not working. i need to get over it.. right? (i think i just need to learn to not get attached and care so much about a guy. am i wrong? i honestly dont know. but i dont want to hurt again!) i wish someone would honestly tell me i'm "wrong" to both those questions. doubt it though.
Anyways, what matters is that things are better and i'm happy for the first time in a very long time and for the longest time. =]
~*live.laugh.love.*~
Man that's torture! for both men and women. Women dont get what they want and men dont understand what women want. So confusing.
OFF TOPIC.
But sometimes i wonder who or what else might be out there in the universe. Whenever i look up to the sky at night, i wonder if there really are other living organisms out there. I try to imagine a world out there like ours and wonder how far along they are. If they're thousands and millions of years ahead of us? or if they're millions of years behind us. Either way, i'm sure that if the same materials to make this earth are out there, there has to be another living planet. And then i wonder about how small we all really are. Such a small planet in such a huge world. and even smaller is our continent, the country, the state, the county, the city, and the ppl. The people and the things we do that are so small compared to the vast universe. Not to mention how small I must be. I'm like the smallest of all the ppl i know! And most of all.. i FEEL small. I'm surrounded by people who have direction or if not, they at least are sure of themselves and know that where ever they end up, they'll be fine. I'm surrounded by people with gifts and talents. They can talk smooth, think quick, dance like a piece of art, paint a million-dollar painting, know how to solve complex equations, sing beautifully, or just above all amazing. Yet i can't do anything exceptionally well. Except to be there for other and listen to them and be a good friend.
By the way, does anyone ever find that they give more than they get? It's funny.. all i think about is giving..i have to force myself to think about what i want. It just doesn't seem to come naturally. When i have money.. especially around holiday season.. all i think about is how much i can get for my friends and family with the money i have. To be honest.. if i can make everyone happy and laugh. That'll be the best present to me. There are things that i have and clothes that i wear that each mean something to me and have a part in my heart, but nothing compares to the love of friends and family.
I wonder if anyone would think of me the same way i think of them. Loving them endlessly.
Sometimes it makes me mad that i'm so submissive sometiems and so weak to trust and believe in people. I've been hurt so many times. I wish i could be as cold as some ppl. I wish i could not care so easily. I wish i didn't always have so much faith in a person and have hopeful feelings, because i always end up getting crushed. Hard.
eh now i'm getting emo again. -.- ... you know how stupid i am? very! cuz i let my feelings take hold of me. stupid me, i fell for the first time in h.s. and was heartbroken for about a year. cried many nights. then i started dating a guy. a very stupid guy. and it ended. much shorter than the first. but he was nothing and it was a stupid relationship. unfortunately he was my firstkiss. ewww. third time.. i started to fall again .. and fast. it was the perfect set up for a bad ending. and it ended. fast. it was fun while it lasted but w/e. during these times.. i went in and out of depression. not necessarily because of them, but because of their affect on me. i would be so mad at myself that i would get upset that i let myself get to who i was. the first and third one really hit hard though because when it ended with them, so did many of my friendships. i dono how it happend, but it did. i gradually lost friends. i mean we would say "hi" but we wouldnt talk or hang out anymore. i gradually lost confidence in myself. i lost hold of many things and began to lie. worst of all i lied to my parents. not big lies, but lie nonetheless. that was the worst. because the only people i could trust were my parents and i loved them so much and they trusted me for so long. though, when i found out about a secret within my family, my heart was torn...no.. ripped to peices. and every once in a while it still hurts when i think about this secret. by the middle of senior year. i was unsure about my future, lost the trust of my parents, i stopped trusting and looking up to my parents so much, and i lost many friends. i lost all that mattered. and so i thought about committing the worst and almost attempted it. i couldnt take it anymore. i had broken down. TO ME, IT WAS THE END. but something inside drew me away from death. there was a small speck of hope. and from that day on, everything has looked up. I have a better outlook on life. I made plans, and i plan to stick to them. I am determined to improve my life and try to leave the past in the past.
I also planned on not falling anytime soon, but that's not working. i need to get over it.. right? (i think i just need to learn to not get attached and care so much about a guy. am i wrong? i honestly dont know. but i dont want to hurt again!) i wish someone would honestly tell me i'm "wrong" to both those questions. doubt it though.
Anyways, what matters is that things are better and i'm happy for the first time in a very long time and for the longest time. =]
~*live.laugh.love.*~
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Here. There. Everywhere.
So i had a goal beginning of winter break. I wanted to see certain ppl, go to certain places, do certain things and eat certain foods. I think i accomplished most of it too =]
(italic= havent done yet )
places to eat:
in-n-out, ce fiore, bayside, gulf stream, guppies (?), HOME!!, christmas party
places to go:
santa monica, laguna, newport, huntington, mountains, disneyland, knotts, san diego, uci, ucsd
things to do:
visit friends in college, eat lots of yummy food, catch up on shows, read, see some movies, get more music, workout, cook, paint, play with dog, drink some great wine, put my feet in the sand/ocean and smell the ocean breeze, get a lil darker,
people to see:
michelle n, lizzy, paul, bro (bryan), jan, julie, nina, melissa, mrs. hayashi, mrs. ikemoto, parents, grandparents, all my cousins (1st)
there's probably more.. but that was the most of it =]
There's alot more i would have loved to have done here in CA, but there's the problem of $ and .. well money. Man i need a job. But it was a nice relaxing and busy break. Though it's not quite over yet.
I'm so excited to back to Massachusetts. I can't wait to see my friends!
~*live.laugh.love.*~
(italic= havent done yet )
places to eat:
in-n-out, ce fiore, bayside, gulf stream, guppies (?), HOME!!, christmas party
places to go:
santa monica, laguna, newport, huntington, mountains, disneyland, knotts, san diego, uci, ucsd
things to do:
visit friends in college, eat lots of yummy food, catch up on shows, read, see some movies, get more music, workout, cook, paint, play with dog, drink some great wine, put my feet in the sand/ocean and smell the ocean breeze, get a lil darker,
people to see:
michelle n, lizzy, paul, bro (bryan), jan, julie, nina, melissa, mrs. hayashi, mrs. ikemoto, parents, grandparents, all my cousins (1st)
there's probably more.. but that was the most of it =]
There's alot more i would have loved to have done here in CA, but there's the problem of $ and .. well money. Man i need a job. But it was a nice relaxing and busy break. Though it's not quite over yet.
I'm so excited to back to Massachusetts. I can't wait to see my friends!
~*live.laugh.love.*~
Friday, January 9, 2009
Windy Day
The whole city and as far as the eye can see is covered with a blanket of brown haze.
Fuck I hate Santa Ana winds!!! Luckly it's not 100 degrees with the smell of manure or smoke.
Why is it that the only place that has these stupid winds EVERY YEAR is socal? Why is it that cali is the only place that has fires EVERY YEAR? Come to think of it there seems to be a lot of things that CA has and only CA has. Speaking of which, here's something that's kinda interesting.
**Not all people who live in CA experience or know about all of these things (like me), but you get the idea**
You know you are in California when:
_::Random::_
listening to: Tristan Prettyman, Dawn Mitschele, Jason Mraz, Bushwalla, Ingrid Michaelson, Matt Nathanson
watching: Shining Through for like the 5th time ><
reading: need to find a good book
wearing: workout clothes
need to do: pack for 3 days, get ready, drink more water, workout more, play with my dog b4 i leave, get more music
wants to: have a great time this weekend =]
~*Live. Laugh. Love*~
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I'm beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts ....
Fuck I hate Santa Ana winds!!! Luckly it's not 100 degrees with the smell of manure or smoke.
Why is it that the only place that has these stupid winds EVERY YEAR is socal? Why is it that cali is the only place that has fires EVERY YEAR? Come to think of it there seems to be a lot of things that CA has and only CA has. Speaking of which, here's something that's kinda interesting.
**Not all people who live in CA experience or know about all of these things (like me), but you get the idea**
You know you are in California when:
- Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
- You make over $250,000 and still can't afford a house.
- You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.
- Your child's 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
- You can't remember...is pot illegal?
- You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
- You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.
- You also know which Brentwood restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
- A really great parking space can move you to tears.
- A low speed pursuit will interrupt any TV broadcast.
- Gas cost 75 cents per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
- A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice.
- A woman gets on the bus with live poultry. You don't even notice.
- Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney is George Clooney.
- Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
- The gym is packed at 3 p.m.
On a work day. - Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into BDSM, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
- It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "Storm Watch 99".
- You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 Tae Bo class.
- Your paperboy has a two-picture deal.
- The three-hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn't caused by a horrific nine-car freeway pileup, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe lying on the shoulder.
- The weatherman talks about the weather in other parts of the country, as if we really care.
- You pass an elementary school and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.
- It's sprinkling outside, so you leave for work an hour or two early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
- You and your dog have therapists.
_::Random::_
listening to: Tristan Prettyman, Dawn Mitschele, Jason Mraz, Bushwalla, Ingrid Michaelson, Matt Nathanson
watching: Shining Through for like the 5th time ><
reading: need to find a good book
wearing: workout clothes
need to do: pack for 3 days, get ready, drink more water, workout more, play with my dog b4 i leave, get more music
wants to: have a great time this weekend =]
~*Live. Laugh. Love*~
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I'm beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts ....
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Days of relaxing at home... on hold till summer
It's been nice that for the past week I've been able to relax and not worry about anything. Just workout, play with the puppy (i know he's not a puppy anymore... but to me he is =] ), watching movies, cooking, walking, and just driving around. No plans, no worries, nothing to do but enjoy myself. I even bought myself some paint the other day with some christmas money =] .. I sure missed being able to sit outside with my dog and just paint.
Anyways, I have plans again... but this time, plans with friends =]
tomorrow: Lizzy's bday party/dinner then sleepover at her beach house =] yay! Still haven't been to the beach since I got back!!! GASP!
saturday: leave around 10-11 to go to UCI and hang out w/ Jan and Julie!! YAY! I'm so excited to be hanging out w/ them =].. Maybe see some other peeps too. Then stay through Sunday.
Next weekend: going down to SD and most likely see Bushwalla again w/ mom and this time Shannon! (my non-related sister who's like old enough to be my actual sister or my age if I was born when my parents got married)... speaking of which that'd be really spooky if i WAS born the year they were married, cuz then people would think me and my mom looked even more like sisters, i'd be too old to know any of my friends, i'd have a job (most likely), living at an apartment or something.. or maybe even married (psh! doubt it), i'd be the oldest of my 1st cousins, oh..and one thing i realized on my way home from the bushwalla concert the other weekend.. i'd be old enough to be able to date jason mraz.. we would be only 3 years apart...Well I'm not that old .. and I'm glad because there are 10x more advantages of being who I am now =].. (but sometimes i wonder what it'd be like) ...Where was I?.. oh yes. So hopefully Jason Mraz will make a guest appearance this time =] but I won't expect it, so either way, it'll be another great concert! Looking forward to it!
Then that Tuesday after, leaving sunny CA for beautiful Vermont! I can't wait! I sooooo look forward to going back to the east coast... for SO many reasons!
~*live.laugh.love.*~
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could.....
.....Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
~RF
just a lil something to think about whenever there's a fork in the road... it's worked for me so far.
Anyways, I have plans again... but this time, plans with friends =]
tomorrow: Lizzy's bday party/dinner then sleepover at her beach house =] yay! Still haven't been to the beach since I got back!!! GASP!
saturday: leave around 10-11 to go to UCI and hang out w/ Jan and Julie!! YAY! I'm so excited to be hanging out w/ them =].. Maybe see some other peeps too. Then stay through Sunday.
Next weekend: going down to SD and most likely see Bushwalla again w/ mom and this time Shannon! (my non-related sister who's like old enough to be my actual sister or my age if I was born when my parents got married)... speaking of which that'd be really spooky if i WAS born the year they were married, cuz then people would think me and my mom looked even more like sisters, i'd be too old to know any of my friends, i'd have a job (most likely), living at an apartment or something.. or maybe even married (psh! doubt it), i'd be the oldest of my 1st cousins, oh..and one thing i realized on my way home from the bushwalla concert the other weekend.. i'd be old enough to be able to date jason mraz.. we would be only 3 years apart...Well I'm not that old .. and I'm glad because there are 10x more advantages of being who I am now =].. (but sometimes i wonder what it'd be like) ...Where was I?.. oh yes. So hopefully Jason Mraz will make a guest appearance this time =] but I won't expect it, so either way, it'll be another great concert! Looking forward to it!
Then that Tuesday after, leaving sunny CA for beautiful Vermont! I can't wait! I sooooo look forward to going back to the east coast... for SO many reasons!
~*live.laugh.love.*~
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could.....
.....Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
~RF
just a lil something to think about whenever there's a fork in the road... it's worked for me so far.
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