loss

dont you just hate it when you lose your keys? or lose the other side of your sock?
.. more so.. dont you hate losing people you love?
it sux. a broken heart sux. that's pretty much how i feel these days. i feel like my fuckn heart got broken.. again. as stupid/emo/cliche as it sounds, it's true.
i have no one to talk to anymore because i lost my best friend. at least i think i did. i mean if we were best friends, something this stupid wouldnt ruin our friendship.. would it? but it still sux because i need a friend who will listen and care now more than ever.
also. i wish i had someone that could just hold me and make me feel happy. i mean hugs are nice from friends and all... but i'd like to be held by someone that makes me feel like everything is fine, like he really cares about me. i know i deny that i want someone to love me, especially now, but i really do. and i seem to want it now more than ever. at the same time, i'm equally scared to love anyone. ever.
i use to feel like something was REALLY missing from my life. then in high school i found it, it was reality. it was like i was living in a daze before high school. life was so easy, all i worried about was kicking someone's ass in handball. but in high school, stress kicked in. emotions i've never felt overwhelmed me. my brain practically exploded. what i was missing was the excitement of life, the ups and the downs. now i feel like something is missing again. but i have no clue what it is. it can't be love. maybe it's motivation. i get it every once in a while, but i lose it right away. how do i keep it?

u know... i just can't wait till Montreal! i'm so tired of thinking about my feelings. i just want to let loose ...well not THAT loose.

~*Live. Laugh. Love*~