I'm just sittin here....

Listening to : Turn Me On by Norah Jones

Listening to music really does make life feel 10x better. =] Ingrid Michaelson, Sara Bareilles, Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz, Carla Bruni, Regina Spektor, Dawn Mitchelle, Norah Jones, Pricilla Ahn.. and so on they're so soothing to listen to. I wish I were as talented as them.

So this WEEK was crazy. went looking for a job at about 10 places. I have an interview tmrrw at 8 in the morning w/ my mom's cousin's son who happens to have been a Calvin Klein model. hahah so funny. and now he's a financial planner. hahahhahah gotta love him though he's so nice and helpful =] So after doing all that .. whew.. i went shopping for the house/food since my mom was sick all week =[ so i've been taking care of her too =] she's delusional when she's sick. i swear the things that come out of her mouth are hilarious and ridiculous. XD but i love her so much ^^ i'm so glad to be home. Went to the fish market w/ my grandma the other day.. that was kind of a chore, but i didnt mind. when i'm around her i have to remind myself of so many things. to hold my temper, to be patient, speak up and slower, and always be cheerful (because if she sees me a bit unhappy or stressed she keeps asking what's wrong and gets mad at me ><) seriously she scares me sometimes if i want to do something for her or if i want to pay for her, she'll get physical. hahaha this weekend i visited julie at uci and hung out w/ everyone there =] then went to see UP!!!!! it was sooooo cuuuuuute and sad (i freakin cried!) love the dogs and the bird!!! aww what a great movie ^^ then that movie really made me want ice cream from baskin robbins soo..... me joe and julie drove to baskin robbins.. then afterwards.. we were a bit bored and didnt feel like going back.. so we drove to huntington beach and walked on the peir and talked for what seeemed like an hour. it was soo nice! i missed the beach. that was so much fun =] then i drove julie back home. this morning we went to breakfast. julie, jan, melissa and i. =D they got their waffles w/ strawberries and i got this really good scramble thing. =] yummmmmmmm that was fun =] afterwards.. mel and her sister took me and jan to this ed hardy factory sale in irvine. boy was that crazy!!! maan what a crazy place. clothes scattered in piles on the floor and on tables. it was ... CRAZY. got a hat and a shirt for me and my mom. after they dropped me off at home, i took a niice loong nap ^^. when my parents came home from their weekend in SD, mom and i went to run errands. i was kinda snappy and so was she.. it was kinda bad. it's gonna b that time of the month >< but u kno.. i realized..
just because i don't want to do something doesn't always mean i won't do it.
my mom, my aunts, my grandmas always do this to me.. they ask " do you want to.........?" meaning "i want you to...." or " i think you should do....." why dont they just ask me straight forward?! i hate it when people ask me if i "want" to do something when they're really asking me to "do" something! my response usually is " no i dont WANT to do it, but i WILL" because it's what i should do. they try to make it seem like it's MY idea to do something. i dont mind if you just ASK! "will you please do this?" ohh.. and that's the other thing... it's ALWAYS nice when ppl are polite in asking someone to do something. whether you're someone's boss, an employee, a mother, a customer, etc..... say "please" and "thank you." those 3 little words can REALLY mean alot. and sometimes they can make one's day... like mine.

Listening to: Unbroken by Missy Higgins (how i feel right now..ironically =D)

~*Live. Laugh. Love*~

Memorial day eve

So i had quite an exciting day i thought. I got all my chores done and was able to get out the house by 11 45 to run a couple errands and go to my grandparents in whittier. So i thought i was just gonna have dinner w/ my aunt and my grandparents, but come to find out my other aunt (from Oakland) flew down for a couple days, a guy named Guy came with his sister, and a the Stevens (whom i've known my whole life as family friends). We all had quite an intellectual lunch over sandwiches and potato salad. We talked about poltitics, history, religion, art, family, friends, and they all reminisced about school. See Guy and the Stevens were my parents' and my aunts' (aunts on both sides) teachers in high school. It's crazy how they ended up being long time family friends! i mean i had lunch w/ my mom and aunt's art teacher, my dad's teacher, my other aunt's teacher. it was weird. and what surprised me even more was that they all remember SOOOO much from those days. the names they brought up. all the people they knew. all the occurances. Oh and i HAVE to introduce Guy to Sophie! She would love hiM! he's soo interesting.
after that lovely lunch, Ann took me to Santa Monica and we went to Archlight in Hollywood to see Angels and Demons. SOOOOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVED IT! even more so than The Da Vinci Code! =D.... then she wanted to see another movie and we watched Star Trek. haha it was so much better seeing it on the BIG BIG screen. but $29 for two tix PER movie?! goddamn! but it was worth it =] .. afterall it IS Archlight. Oh and we saw an actress that my aunt likes in line for popcorn. dono her name or what she was from.. but i remember her face, that's for sure.
then it took forever for us to find an open place here for dinner. found this japanese place that was pretty good and actually served Mochi Ice Cream!!! woopie! =]
so i'd say today was pretty satisfying.
i reallyy wish someone would make a movie out of the book The Historian! I should do something about that!
This is where i would also complain about my aunt and possibly a couple other things, but i'll save that for later cuz i'm tired and i really just feel like having a good night's rest =]

~*Live. Laugh. Love*~

back home for the summer

so i'm back in cali. got back thurs night. i feel all alone again. maan being back is so depressing.
So i only got to see my parents till friday mornin and then they headed up north to Cambria in Central Cal. to do their annual wine tasting weekend w/ their friends. So basically i'm home alone for the weekend. Friday i headed down to San Diego w/ joy and chris and we saw The Sounds, Paramore, and No Doubt perform. one of the most amazing concerts i've ever seen, if not the best!!!! sooo amazing! =] funny thing.. we planned on eating dinner near the venue after we found it... but when we were looking for it, we ended up being stuck in the line to park for the concert -.- so we couldnt get out. so we ordered pizza! hahahaha pizza delivered to the parking lot and that was our dinner XD. so funny. come to find out that when we got in there was food -.- fml. then after the concert it took us about 1/2 hr to find my car hahaha. that was sad... but we weren't the only one's lost. especially not compared to the drunk ppl. then i drove home cuz we couldn't stay in SD. ended up comin home @ 3 and i just crashed after dropping them off.
today was chris's bbq. we watched the lakers beat the nuggets!!! WOOT! what a good game =] it was soo close. both teams kinda sucked toniight though. lakers' defense sucked balls! but at least we won =] so the event was ok and it was nice seeing ppl, but it made me realize that i really dont belong w/ this crowd. i mean everyone is kool and nice,but i just dont fit in like i thought i did. made me miss my umass friends sooo much even more =[. i know what i need.... julie, mel, and jan. =] they're always friends i can count on here. i can never get tired of hanging out w/ them and they're just the best ever! =] goal this summer : make more outgoing friends
a good thing that's been happenin is that i am gradually forgetting and not thinking about certain things. it all felt like a dream almost like it didnt happen, and it's a good feeling. i feel more confident about my feelings.

~*Live. Laugh. Love*~

we all ARE just human

i wont say sorry for the things that i have done, said, or acted upon. i believe things happen for a reason whether it's good or bad. nonetheless, things happen. shit happens. it sucks. life sucks sometimes, and live is wonderful when u want it to be.
but i will admit that many times i've acted immature and idiotic towards myself and others because i think that at the time it's what i want to say or do. when i think about it later i still believe it's right. but then much later i realize that it was me being selfish and i was only hurting others. although i wanted to at the time, it's not what i really want deep down. i hate myself for hurting others, especially if it means losing a friend. i've never really hated anyone except myself.
because i am who i am, i care too much about others to hate anyone. though i might say i hate someone when i'm mad, it's not true.
as the last day of freshman year in college, i would like to say that i am finally content. freshman year has opened my eyes to many things old and new. i have made some self-discoveries and i have made many friends. i said this in the beginning of the school year: i am finally happy. though i'm not happy everyday with stupid mood swings, but i am overall happy. i've NEVER been so happy in my life till college. this may be the best time of my life and i'm gonna make the most of it! =] i'm not gonna let anything get to me to think otherwise. i'm not gonna let any guy into my heart so he can ruin this experience anymore. i have the best of friends and that's all i could ask for. =]
btw.. congrats to all those graduating!! class of '09
oh funny thing just now. so me and sophie are packing everything up and our room is pretty much a mess. while she was cleaning her desk she found andrew's bubbles! hahahhaha after we were convinced we gave it back. oops. she has no idea how they got there so we named them the "magic bubbles." too bad we had to throw them away. .. which reminds me i bought bubbles one party night .. i think i left them in tim tim's room >.> darn.
awwwwww i miss tim tim. =[ i miss rachel! annika! sam! tj! and all those who already left. =[ so sad. i can't believe i'm gonna b 3 months w/o them!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! they're the best friends ever.. and me and sophie are parting tmrrw!!!! NOOOOO!!!! :'( there are going to be some tears shed tmrrw! my eyes are gonna b soo swollen >< god fuckn damn! (my new favorite thing to say lol)
okeedokee.. i feel like stopping now, so i'm gonna go organize my backpack =]

~*Live. Laugh. Love. *~ (seriously!)

Last Day =[

today is my last whole day in freshman year here at UMass =[. so sad. one more exam in about an hour. it's resecon! omfg it's gonna suck! why is it that all the econ classes suck?! oh wait.. it's cuz all the econ teachers suck! wish i could have mr platt for all my econ classes XD. so.. i'm cramming for my exam. at this point i dont care anymore. i just want to pack up the room.. it's so much fun =]
i realized this morning that i analyze things too much. iono if it's good or bad. i guess to some degree it's good. i seem to look at everything i do and the first thing i think of .. "how long it's gonna take? who is it going to affect? what's more efficient?" but i've learned to let loose. man if i didnt realize how ocd i am about organizing and analyzing everything.. i would drive people crazy.. probably myself too. haha so keeping these types of thngs to myself is good.
oh and i had another one of those moments last night. where "i hate guys!" things. that's one thing i could never analyze or predict. guys. even when i think i have a guy figured out.. i always end up being surprised. and not usually in a good way. one thing hold constant though. about 90% of guys are assholes and always will be. it's the 5% is what keeps us girls hoping and hurting because it takes us so many of the wrong guys to find the right ones. they're so rare to come by. there's only a few guys in my life who are part of that 5% (including my dad and grandpa ^.^). one of them is probably the best boyfriend i've ever met... tim tim =] he's the bestest boyfriend to my friend rachel and he's been so great to us girls all year. he takes care of not just rachel,but all of us. he cares about our wellbeing, he listens to us, he makes sure we are all happy, and he's just the best guy friend ever! he takes so much shit from rachel it's ridiculous, yet they're so much in love ^^. he's a rare breed to come by.
k gonna go study some more now XD. l8r!

~*Live. Laugh. Love.*~

*^&%!

so i had a whole post written.. but because of my stupid internet.. it shut down.. and i lost all of what i had written. =[
i basically said that today was a beautiful day.. and i love the songs/artists i've been listening to.
k now i'm going to bed cuz i'm pissed off at my computer. can't wait to wipe my computer!

~*Live.Laugh.Love*~

Sweet Scent of Spring

I love spring. =]
i love the colors, the outfits, the smells, the tastes the season brings, and all the cuute fuzzy animals ^^ hahaha
have you ever noticed that the rain brings out the beautiful colors of nature? with the dark clouds in the background.. the green,pink,purple,yellow,etc. is brighter and more beautiful than ever. especially right after it rains when the sun peaks out of the poofy clouds and shines it's glorious yellow rays down on the earth.
Spring still remains my favorite season.

Someday i would like to own a couple Versace dresses. Man whenever i think up of a design.. i see it on tv, in a magazine, or somewhere online as an actual versace dress! while i'm dreaming... i'd love to have an R8, a beach house, a house in Europe, a timeshare in Bora Bora, Tahiti, a cabin in the mountains, an apartment in the city (NY) and a nice home in YL. hahahha like that'd ever happen...
i really would be happy living in an cute apartment in the city with a cuuute dog by myself. owning nothing larger than a bike for transportation. maan that would be the best right out of college.
what i really want right now is to get MORE MUSIC!!!! gah! and to wipe my laptop goodness.. that's one thing i'm looking forward to doing when i get home for the summer. speaking of summer... i hope jason mraz comes to play in socal for a lil while.. i would LOVE to see him!!!
i'm kinda excited for summer.. only cuz i really want to go to the beach and relax and hopefully earn some money.. but maaan... i really want to come back to the east coast for a month .. or even a week.. or weekend... it's tim's bday party.. and i'm the only one who really cant come =[ freakin distance!!
omg 3 months without my friends!! i'm gonna miss them SOOOOO MUCH!! iono what i'm gonna do without them! =[ what's so great about the friends i have here.. they really ARE like family.. they're better friends than almost all my other friends back at home. they know me better than anyone and i've only known them for what.. 9 months?! it's amazing what dormlife can do !! =]

~*Live.Laugh.Love*~

infatuation, admiration, love

Sometimes there seems to be a fine line between infatuation, admiration, and love.

Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary states:

Infatuation

In*fat`u*a"tion\, n. [LL. infatuatio: cf. F. infatuation.] The act of infatuating; the state of being infatuated; folly; that which infatuates.

Admiration

Ad`mi*ra"tion\, n. [F., fr. L. admiratio. See Admire.]
1. Wonder; astonishment. [Obs.] Season your admiration for a while. --Shak.
2. Wonder mingled with approbation or delight; an emotion excited by a person or thing possessed of wonderful or high excellence; as, admiration of a beautiful woman, of a landscape, of virtue.
3. Cause of admiration; something to excite wonder, or pleased surprise; a prodigy.

Love

Love\, n. [OE. love, luve, AS. lufe, lufu; akin to E. lief, believe, L. lubet, libet,it pleases, Skr. lubh to be lustful. See Lief.]
1. A feeling of strong attachment induced by that which delights or commands admiration; pre["e]minent kindness or devotion to another; affection; tenderness; as, the love of brothers and sisters. Of all the dearest bonds we prove Thou countest sons' and mothers' love Most sacred, most Thine own. --Keble.
2. Especially, devoted attachment to, or tender or passionate affection for, one of the opposite sex.

I've never been attractive enough for someone to be infatuated with me.
I've never done anything great enough for someone to admire me.
I've never had the opportunity to be loved by someone.
I don't want any of it. Someday.. maybe.

To what degree does love become infatuation or admiration becomes love?
One may love someone so much that they are nearly obsessed with that person.
Or someone can admire another so much to the point where they think they are "in love."

But what we all really need is someone to stand by us.

Playing For Change | Song Around The World "Stand By Me" from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

i bumped my head and it hurts... alot

literally.. i did.. figuratively.. i did too
so last night as i was rushing into sophie's bed to watch a movie i went in "spider" way.. where ur butt goes in first.. i thought i was all good but then BOOM! it hit me.. the bar.. and it hit hard. well i hit it but w/e. technicalities. so i fell to the ground began laughing then crying then laughing then crying but mostly laughing. it was quite funny to me.. but everyone thought i had a slight concussion.. who knows.. all i know is that i was tired, had a really bad headache, and was hysterical. but no one would let me lay down.. they said "NOO!! dont lay down you'll fall asleep and then get nautious and throw up and choke urself to death!!" -.- srsly?! i wasnt that bad. still hurts one nite, one day, 4 tylenols later.
OHHH btw.. my dad came and visited me at the tail end of his business trip!! =D i was SOOOO happy! after minneapolis and a couple places in in mass. he came to visit me and my friends. he took me shopping for mother's day a present and took me to dinner =] then this mornin i took him to breakfast =] glad he liked everyone and everyone liked him =] too bad tim and him couldnt talk about the air force.. lol that would have been amusing to witness. i miss him already =[.. almost cried when i saw him i missed him so much. but in a few weeks i'll see him =]
so right now i feel kinda... KINDA.... errr well that's what i want to think.. i feel pretty bad about something today. i put on this front that i didnt care and enjoyed the fact that something bad happend to someone. but really... i dont mean it at all.. sure i'm mad.. but i feel real bad and hope he's ok. i really do. it makes me sad that this happend and that i cant express anyway but on this blog how i really feel. i wish i could say i actually hate this person. but i cant when i think about it. problem is i cant stop thinking about it. i wish someone could erase my memory clean of this person. and that's the truth.

~*Live.Laugh.Love.*~